


Spoils of Innocence

by OwlOfMyLove



Series: Dead Bedroom!Verse [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Masturbation, Porn Watching, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:25:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2047962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwlOfMyLove/pseuds/OwlOfMyLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A night without Gold has given Belle the opportunity to cure herself before their marriage crumbles any further.</p><p>(Prompted missing scene from Dead Bedroom)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spoils of Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> AnonymousNerdGirl prompted the following: DB!prompt: (feel free to get angsty) Before deciding to try therapy Belle tries to "cure" herself by masturbating. It ends in tears.

 

Belle had the house secure; every single window and door was shut tight and locked to make sure no one could dare catch her in the act. The bedroom was ready, a candle lit to help with 'the mood' she was supposed to be feeling when she did the private act, and all the lights off was the way she liked it best. Belle was unable to believe what she was about to do; it would be positively humiliating if anyone was to know it had gotten this bad, worse if Shaun knew.

She was going to cure herself.

Her husband was growing more perturbed by the lack of intimacy the two had shared over the last year. Each moment over the last year and a half could be counted on one hand, if she didn't include the nights where they only indulged in oral sex; then it was both hands that had the count stop exactly at nine. Half was initiated by her after Shaun had asked in most submissive way he possibly could in hopes of not upsetting her.

Shaun had began to drink more as the months went by. The nights where he was filled with nothing but lust for her were the worst; rejection, a bitter walk away from her, and then hours at the bar that had him coming home late into the night.

Belle needed this. She _needed_ to cure herself before she lost him.

She would not agree to say she grew up in a sheltered home. After the premature death of her mother, Moe French went beyond to make sure Belle was able to live a normal life and experience everything a growing young woman needed to. On the outside he was just your average parent trying to make sure he was raising his child right for the real world. He had done a wonderful job, except for the avoidance of one key component in a growing woman's life.

When her sexual desires began to bud, Belle was at a lost on how to, well, _deal_ with them. Natural instinct told her to trail down her skirt and explore herself with her own hand, but when she made way to her core her hand would recoil from discomfort. Months later she made a nervous attempt with the main bathroom's detachable shower head, switching the position to the jet mode and brushing it against her clit. The sensation was new and though a bit harsh, enjoyable. Her father banging on the door to warn her about the cost of their water bill hindered that development.

Masturbation was a hushed topic in the house and she was left to believe that it was something that was mandatory to be kept quiet and never to be spoken of. When she approached her father the first time and asked how she was to do it properly, Moe French had turned the deepest shade of red humanly possible and muttered roughly that it was inappropriate to ask him such a question and she should go to find out for herself. It was the one and only time she brought it up.

She was too embarrassed to turn to the library or friends her own age to ask and suppressed her moments of sexual arousal the best she possibly could.

Through high school and college Belle found herself feeling like not only the sole virgin in her class, but the only one who never experienced in healthy masturbation. The virginity she could handle; that was her choice. The masturbation was a different level. When the rare moment of dating came along she was certain to make it clear that sex was not going to happen until marriage. The boys were understanding to an extent, suggesting mutual masturbation for those nights where the urges would be too difficult to suppress. Each time she would politely decline and declare that it wasn't an option. They were angry, of course, muttering after she declined that she was a religious prude for selfishly holding on. It never bothered Belle and the words were easy to ignore. She wasn't even religious and her reasons were the furthest from. 

Belle shuddered and allowed the wave of nerves to trickle down her spine. Even with her robe on and covering her body, she felt naked in the middle of Storybrooke.

Sitting down at the computer Belle turned to her favourite search engine and typed in a single word; pornography.

Hitting enter she impatiently waited for the near-instant results that appeared on the screen. A website the headlined a promise of "variety" was the first choice and she clicked on the link.

"Oh my gods," she whispered under her breath hoping that the quiet house wouldn't hear her.

The website instantly displayed what they claimed to the be the "top trending" videos at the moment, all instantly making her feel uncomfortable. The caps that were used to promote the videos were displaying specific kinks; bondage, anal, oral, rough, etc. As she scrolled down she realized that the genres went all the way down to sexual orientation, hair colour, race, and bust size. It was too much for her to take in all at once for her first visit to an adult website.

"Couldn't there just be a universal video for those of us that are novice?" She whined to herself, nit-picking through the many genres they had to offer her.

She finally decided on a genre, oral, and began picking through the hundreds of videos that was offering what she wanted. Nothing looked appealing to her at first glance. Belle closed her eyes and selected a video at random. The sound on the computer was low and she turned it up just enough to make out the words the two actors were sharing with each other. She let out a low exhale and focused her attention to the video, parting her legs just enough in case she felt the urge to pleasure herself from the excitement of the film.

The actors shared no chemistry, that much was certain. The man was covered in dozens of tattoos and a rough expression that made her feel uncomfortable. His counterpart was no better, her French manicured nails were over her body, pleasuring herself before the man stepped in, and all Belle could think about was if the nails were hurting her. The sight of those long pointed nails exploring her core to seduce the man. It was enough to make her shudder.

When the woman finished, the man grabbed her hips and pulled her down to put her flat on the bed.

 _This isn't working_ , Belle told herself as she cringed when the man roughly addressed the woman and she replied with a rough pet name, _how do people find this arousing?_

On the screen, the woman began to let out high pitched squeaks that Belle could only assume was the actress' way of saying she was enjoying it. Her counterpart was furiously indulging himself between her legs and made rough grunts and noises that bothered her just as much as the woman's squeaks.

She clicked out of the website and pushed the chair from the desk, feeling dirty and ready to give up on tonight's attempt to cure whatever stupid problem it was holding her back.

Pornography was _not_ going to help.

From the nightstand, her phone chimed to let her know a new text message had arrived.

' _Made it to Boston safely. Bae says hello. I'm missing you terribly tonight and I can't wait to see you again on Sunday. I love you, sweetheart_.'

Belle smiled at the simple yet sincerity of the message. Shaun was going to be gone for two nights and he treated it like it would be two years. It had been who knows how long since she last slept with him and he still had gone above and beyond to tell her she was on his mind.

She had to find a cure tonight; for their marriage.

Carefully she removed her robe and positioned herself on the bed. The traditional way was her last resort. The idea of a vibr-toy- was too much to bear. Having someone see her buy such a thing would make the process of self-pleasure fail instantly. What if Shaun was to discover it? No doubt there that his already weak pride would crumble if he thought she preferred the assistance of a battery operated device than the real thing.

 _This is going to work_ , Belle told herself. _You're going to cure yourself tonight and the moment Shaun walks through that door you can tell him that you want to have sex right there in that room_.

As she closed her eyes to block the distractions of the room she was in, Shaun's image was before her. His relaxed composure told her that the image was from a memory before the distance broke out between them. A smile was on his face, laughing about something she could no longer remember. Belle ran her finger tips up and down her sides to spark arousal as she continued to imagine her husband.

The imaginary Shaun was kissing her and moaning into her mouth of how much he had missed her taste. His tongue running along her lips to help excite her. His breathing was shallow, telling her that he was smart, beautiful, and other sweet words that she longed to hear him whisper.

Hands trailed up to her breasts and she cupped them both, still imagining her husband above her and performing the real action. In her mind, his hands lightly massaged them and avoided direct contact with her nipples. The buds were still soft and brushing her fingers around them added no stimulation to help arouse her. Taking her index finger and thumb, she clasped one of the buds and gently plucked at it to increase her arousal.

She let out a low moan, calling for her husband, in hopes of doing so would help in the progress and was faintly embarrassed when she realized how exactly she sound when in an intimate situation.

Plucking at her nipple was uncomfortable, she soon discovered, and resorted back to gently massaging the breast as she called for him. In the beginning when Shaun would play with her breasts, the plucks were exciting, stimulating. They had her arching her back and moaning loudly just from the simple pluck on one nipple and his tongue gliding along the other. Her own hands did no justice compared to Shaun. Belle let go of her breasts and slowly brought her hands down between her thighs.

 _You can do this,_ she told herself, _think of Shaun and the way you feel when he does this to you._

The image in her mind was fading away and it was becoming more and more difficult to imagine her husband above her. She needed a stronger fantasy and fast.

Her hands were still at her trembling thighs, foreign to the area, and she wondered if this would be possible. Already she had pushed herself so far in this attempt to cure her ails and if Shaun was here now, not that she would even want him to see this, he would be proud of her for making progress.  His eyes would be fixated on her bare body, drinking up the sight he was now rare to behold and compliment her on the curves she held and her efforts for trying to handle this on her own. If he was here she knew he would join her on the bed and kiss her passionately, moaning into it with his hands in her long curls to express how much he had longed to touch her. 

Belle parted her legs more and pushed against her clitoral hood, rubbing it quickly as her image of Shaun grew more vibrant. 

Knowing her husband, he would trail a hand down to her core while still holding a passionate kiss and tease her clit until she pulled away to let out deep moans from the overloading sensation. She imagined her hand belonged to Shaun and could feel it working to build up arousal in her heart. 

She could do this! 

Belle arched her hips up only the slightest to play along with the fantasy of having her husband touching her instead and parted her folds with the hand that aroused her clit. Her free hand went between the folds and instantly her eyes sprang open in horror. 

She was dry.

With little knowledge of the masturbation system and how wet she could exactly become on her own, a heavy blanket of confusion covered her. Had she done something wrong in the process of curing herself? No, she decided, this was nothing. Just a bump in the road. A snag to test her on how far she was willing to try to cure herself. She had never done this properly before and this was the biggest test she would ever take in her life; she was determined to pass.

Belle rolled over onto her knees and rested her head against the pillow, her rear high in the hair, legs parted, and hand eagerly ready to finish the job. 

Her walls grew tense as she forced her finger in, screaming at her that it wasn't ready and by not listening it was going to hurt her. Belle began to rock her hips and glide the finger in an out to increase the stimulation. The thumb returning to her hood to aid in the intensity of the overall experience. 

Eyes snapped shut again, Belle pictured her husband again. Her hand belonged to him and he was positioned behind her. Shaun's hands around her hips to help him increase the speed of the thrusts and intensity of the moment.

There was no wetness pooling between her legs. 

She removed her hand and brought it near her face to examine it; her fingers were nearly bone dry and her arousal she had attempted to build up had evaporated instantly. 

 _I'm not wet,_ she panicked,  _how can that be? I had the perfect fantasy of him...I relaxed my body...I was going to cure this!_

Angrily she curled her hand into a painful fist and slammed it against the mattress the same time her hips dismissed their upright position and collapsed. Her face buried deep into the pillow and she screamed as loud as her lungs would physically allow. Her eyes grew wet and tears flowed down her face, forming a sopping mess onto the pillow. She had tried. She made attempts to fix this before, accepting occasional requests from him for sex, reading erotic books, using memories of Shaun to help guide her and arouse her this lonely night, and now this. This, one of the most natural moments a person could experience, had failed. 

There was no cure. 


End file.
